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Tips for getting Shared Care Just Separated? Want to Prepare for Shared Care of your children? You will reap much reward by reading it, and by mentioning this purchase in any mediation or court affidavit you may required to submit, it will reflect possitively on your willingness to make shared care work. Domestic abuse - avoid conflict at all costs! However, all the advantages of these family law changes can be lost overnight by you if you engage in any behaviour that remotely resembles aggressive, abusive or threatening. When disagreeing with your ex-spouse, DO NOT EVER strike them, threaten them, abuse them or get into a heated argument with them. This may seem difficult given that you have recently separated, but it is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for yourself and your children. Domestic Abuse laws in this country are pre-emptive, which means that you will be treated as guilty despite there being little evidence to support it. So avoid this perception at all costs. Regardless of who starts it, who is the aggressor or whether you are both involved in arguing or fighting in equal capacity, the sad truth is that if you are a male, you will more likely get charged with domestic abuse in most cases, regardless of the truth. Remember, where there is smoke, the man is always considered guilty, so avoid even the semblance of conflict. Never give anyone the opportunity to accuse you of being a threat to your ex-spouse. If you do not understand this very important rule, then you can forget about having shared care of your children. Communication Effective communication with your ex-spouse is key to you securing shared care of your children. Despite the enormous difficulties you will face in trying to keep effective communication channels open, you will be wrong-footing your ex-spouse by never giving in to the temptation to argue or criticise. never let the frustration change your strategy. Stay positive and be relentless in your efforts to persuade your ex-spouse in a responsible manner of the benefits of shared care. For every negative email from the other side, respond in an understanding and considerate manner, but re-iterate your point in a slightly different manner. Remember to maintain a constructive approach. Mention that you are open to a compromise if they are. Always stay positive and constructive despite the temptations, as it pays dividends in the end. NEVER EVER send abusive, threatening or even argumentative emails or text messages to your ex-spouse. These are frequently used as evidence in Court to support the notion that shared care will not work in your case, so refrain from giving anyone the opportunity to claim that shared care will not work. Depression The hurt of separation and losing meaningful contact with your children does get easier. Much much easier, especially if you manage circumstances in a constructive and responsible manner. It may be hard to believe now, especially if you are in the midst of depression, however one day you will wonder what all the fuss was about. Remember, the hurt WILL go away. If you believe you are suffering from DEPRESSION, make an appointment to see your GP as soon as possible. Medicare offers 12 free counselling sessions per year for people suffering depression, and it can really help. Do not try and handle the depression by yourself! Help is available, Please make use of it. Family Law & the best interests of the Child Many parents engage in child-centred conflict post-separation because they believe that circumstances are "not fair to them". This is a mis-guided notion and those people who believe that the Family Court makes decisions based on Justice, Fairness or even Morality will be greatly disillusioned. The Family Court primarily seeks an outcome that is in a child's best interests. This concept is subjective and open to many different interpretations, depending on what Judge or Federal Magistrate you are sitting in front of, and can often lead to children being handed over to dis-honest, surreptitious, un-co-operative, alienating and even drug-addicted parents. I am not suggesting that this is the way it should be, but it is the way it often is, so if you are going to Court, it is best to know the rules, no matter how poorly they are constructed, rather than have a false understanding of the Court process. Family Court litigation and legal costs Most parents have little understanding of the eventual financial costs to them of going to Court. It is often upwards of $40,000 per party, and can easily exceed $100,000 each. This emphasises the importance of reaching a settlement without the use of lawyers. Even if you will be short-changed by $10,000 or $20,000 in negotiations, it is of course much better than paying $40,000 in legal fees. It often pays to see your dispute as a business negotiation, rather than a personal matter. Try and settle your matter outside of court unless you really have no other options. Litigant in Person If you have little option but to go to Court, you can consider representing yourself in Court. This would reduce your costs substantially, but would require an enormous amount of work, research and dedication on your part. A great resource to assist a Litigant in Person, or otherwise known as a Self Represented Litigant, visit the: Family Law Web Guide at: http://www.familylawwebguide.com.au False Allegations Because of the nature of family law and the lack of any meaningful disincentive against the making of false allegations, family law proceedings are rife with false allegations centred around domestic abuse and child sexual abuse. In these cases, prevention is better than cure so do your best to not allow the opportunity for these allegations to be seen to be possible, but if its too late, prepare yourself by reading up on how other false allegations have been treated by the Court. Also keep in mind that the new family law amendment act (2006) has provided one new measure to deal with false allegations. The wronged party can ask for costs at the end of legal proceedings, if they can reasonably demonstrate that the other party has knowingly made false allegations against them. This can be found under section 117AB of the family law amendment act. Diary This is probably the most neglected piece of proof available to parents in legal proceedings. Get yourself a paper based diary and log every contact you have with your ex-spouse. It can be an invaluable source of information come the hearing, and has often been the key to successfully disputing allegations from the other side. Empower yourself by making a stand Too often, separated parents bury their head in the sand and do nothing about their predicament. However, fathers in particular have over the last ten years begun to organise themselves, and have made enormous efforts to have these terrible family laws changed. From these few men and women who started the ball rolling, we are now growing into a group spanning all of Australia, with membership growing at a furious pace. Please join as by registering on the Strength in Numbers register. Nothing is expected of you but a willingness to receive important information, especially during elections. So don't let the anti-father hate groups determine family law in this country. Make a stand! Register today. **Do you have any tips for recently separated parents seeking shared care? Submit them here for consideration. | Fathers4Equality | this page has been most recently updated on 12 January 2010 |
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