Parenting
Single mum tough love in the Budget to save $700 million
ALL single, unemployed parents will have their parenting support payments axed when their youngest child turns eight – a tough-love budget measure designed to force them back to work.
It is understood the government will next week abolish an arrangement set in 2006 which allows single unemployed mothers to receive $648.50 a fortnight until their youngest child turns 16.
About 100,000 single parents will now lose this benefit when their children turn eight. For partnered parents, income support – currently $442 a fortnight – will end when the youngest child turns six.
The measure will come into effect in July 2013 and will deliver a $700 million saving to the government.
Parents who choose not to find work will be penalised about $120 a fortnight by being transferred on to the Newstart allowance.
IVF – Where governments provide funding for fatherless families
Fathers’ rights and shared parenting campaigners have for decades been fighting for the rights of children from separated families to be in the loving presence of both their biological parents.
It has been a hard fought battle which has seen only minor inroads being made, given the ferocious resistance from government funded women’s’ groups, who ironically had been set up in the first place to promote policies of equality amongst the sexes.
As many would know, Australia’s record on human rights had a significant setback last November 2011, when Australia’s world renowned Shared Parenting laws were watered down by the Australian Labor government, being replaced by a set of laws heavily laced with anti-fatherhood dogma, designed primarily to entrench a sole-mother, fatherless family unit post-divorce, regardless of the needs of the children or the qualities of the father.
Having said that, Shared Parenting is not out of the question, and a growing number of divorced mothers are ignoring the sexist overtures of the Gillard Labor government and opting for Shared Parenting arrangements post-divorce.
However, while Shared Parenting advocates continue to knock on the doors of open minded politicians lobbying for genuinely gender-neutral family laws in this country, an insidious, almost silent development has been occurring behind the scenes, a development that no-one ever voted for, and a development that has never been assessed in terms of whether it is in the best interests of the child.
Father stripped from birth certificate – replaced by lesbian co-parent
A man who donated sperm to a lesbian couple will have his name stripped from their child’s birth certificate after a successful legal bid by the birth mother’s ex-partner.
The woman took the NSW Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, and biological father, to court in May to have his name replaced with her name in the document.
The female child was born in 2001 and the women split in 2006, although they continued to share parental responsibility.
The man also played a role in the child’s life.
NSW District Court Judge Stephen Walmsley today ruled in her favour, but expressed sympathy for the biological father.
Lesbian Mother to remove Father from child’s birth certificate
By Order of the District Court of New South Wales, we have been required to anonymise the names and identities of the persons involved in this case.
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A man was so excited about the impending birth of his child 10 years ago he discussed building a home in the Blue Mountains for himself and the lesbian couple who had used his donated sperm to conceive.
The man, who can only be known by court order as BB, said they agreed he should be involved in his daughter’s life but exactly how was never decided.
After answering the couple’s advertisment in a magazine, BB said he provided sperm to the birth mother, paid $5000 for her fertility treatments at an Eastern suburbs clinic and paid for the midwife who managed the home birth of their daughter in 2001.
Ten years on, after a tumultuous relationship among the three parents, the woman’s ex-partner, AA, is taking the NSW Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages and BB to court to have his name removed from the girl’s birth certificate.
It is the first case of its kind since the introduction of a retrospective law in 2008 giving lesbian couples equal parenting responsibilities or legal status.
Of 94,354 birth registrations last year, 117 were for children born to same-sex parents.
BB said he had gone through “10 years of hell” and spent $50,000 on legal fees.
He has seen the girl for five hours a fortnight since she was one. He paid $150 a week support for her first year, though he was not obliged to, and paid one-third of her school fees for two years.
Last year he had allowed the birth mother, listed on the birth certificate as a funeral celebrant, to stay at his home for three months when she was unable to pay rent at her own home, he said.
The girl is the major beneficiary in his will and she calls his mother “Nan.”
He is devastated that he may be taken off the birth certificate.
“It’s a very depressing situation ⌠the birth certificate is more than a bit of paper; it tells people who you are,” he said.
“No one seems to care about fathers these days.”
He said the three had been “all wrapped up in the moment of having the child” and were on good terms until the birth.
“I was going to build this great big house and live together … Everything was fine until the baby was born ⌠they used me and they took my money and now they’ve got what they want, they really just didn’t want to know me.”
Both women have declined to comment.
A sperm donor does not have legal parenting responsibilities – and thus cannot make decisions about the child’s education or medical needs – even if a court grants visitation rights and he is on the birth certificate.
It is not possible under NSW law to have three parents with legal responsibilities. Had BB had sexual intercourse with the woman or married her, he would have gained that legal status.
Partners of lesbian mothers gained that right automatically with the introduction of the Miscellaneous Acts Amendment (Same Sex Relationships) Act 2008.
A family law expert, Paul Boers, said there was still confusion among gay and lesbian parents.
“I get lesbian couples concerned about whether the sperm donor might come back and seek parenting orders [to spend time with the child]. I tell them that he’s got to get over the hurdle of convincing a court that he’s concerned with the care, welfare and development of the child and he’s got an established relationship with the child.”
The case is set down for hearing on August 2.
investigations@smh.com.au
Kids who spend more time with dad have higher IQs, study shows
THE more one-on-one bonding fathers share with their kids, the better, writes Fiona Baker.
ItââŹâ˘s no longer unusual to see dads pushing prams or carrying bubs in a sling. At school pick-up time, there seem to be more and more fathers milling around the quadrangles, and sporting fieldsââŹâ˘ sidelines are filled with cheering dads.
Almost every body of research points to the importance of dads in their kidsââŹâ˘ lives and the positive impact of early father-child bonding.
So it was interesting to read a recent Australian report which found only 41 per cent of surveyed dads with children under one had changed a nappy.
Even the Federal Government media release which launched this Australian Institute of Family Studies report last month said mothers continue to do the ââŹĹlionââŹâ˘s share of unpaid domestic and childcare work in AustraliaââŹÂ.
Up to 59 per cent of dads thought they did their fair share of domestic tasks, but 64 per cent of mums felt they shouldered the bulk.
Quality over quantity
The Fathering In Australia Among Young Couple Families With Young Children report also found dads who were more involved when their children were little were more likely to have a higher level of involvement with their kids eight or nine years later.
Dads who had happier relationships with their partners and better mental health also exhibited more positive parenting.
While dads still spend less alone time with their kids than mums, the report did recognise that many fathers were around at meal- and bathtimes and share kid time with their partners. The report found dadsââŹâ˘ favourite activities with kids are reading, telling stories and games.
Dave Woolbank, founder of website www.dadsclub.com.au, says the report shows quality time versus quantity is important.
ââŹĹAt any age, taking that time out to listen to your kids or to do something with them can have an amazing impact,ââŹÂ he says.
According to UK research, which analysed data collected for more than half a century and involved more than 10,000 kids, the more effort a father invests in his children, the smarter they are as kids and more successful they are as adults. The kids of involved dads had IQs several points higher.
Tips for dads
WoolbankââŹâ˘s website is dedicated to helping dads with ideas on how to spend time with their kids.
ââŹĹSo many dads want to be active and involved parents but have no idea where to start,ââŹÂ he says.
His suggested activities are generally more ââŹĹblokeyââŹÂ ideas such as getting outdoors, playing games or building things. But he also calls on dads to get more involved in domestic duties and to use this as a time to spend with kids.
ââŹĹKids love to help. If there are jobs that need doing and dads want to spend time with their kids, combine the two.ââŹÂ
And his star tip for fathers? ââŹĹRead to your children,ââŹÂ he says.
Selfish Senior IVF Mum only thought about herself
THE 57-year-old who gave birth to IVF twins in Perth this week is a selfish woman.
She thought of her own desires, she considered the wishes of her husband, but she did not take into account what happens to such children.
Supporters will say she has every right to make the decision to have a baby; that it is her body, her choice.
To that I say it goes against the laws of nature. Australian women on average go through menopause at the age of 45. That is nature’s way of saying no more babies for you.
At the very best this woman and her husband will live long enough to see the twins become adults. Sure, these are the expectations of every parent, but the big difference here is that by the time these twins become teenagers, their mother will be in her 70s.
Life is tough enough for teens without having to go through life explaining that the people who look like your grandparents are actually your parents.
And that raises another problem. Teenagers need to be self-focused, studying, preparing for their future – not worrying about the health of their parents, tending to their increasing needs.
Two years ago when a Victorian woman revealed she was having a baby at 54 she said it was a dream come true and that with her partner, she could give the child 20 to 25 years of a loving home environment, a good education and a secure financial background.
No doubt that is what Maria del Carmen Bousada hoped to do when she had twin boys at the age of 66.
She boasted of fooling authorities into thinking she was only 55 when she applied to have fertility treatment. She was so confident she would be around to care for her much-loved boys.
She wasn’t.
Sadly, the Spanish woman died of cancer when the children were three years old and Maria left the responsibility of caring for her children to family. And India’s Rajo Devi Lohan, who became the world’s oldest mother when she gave birth to twins at the age of 70, also died before her babies turned two. That is the reality of life.
I am a supporter of every woman’s right to have a baby, but there must be boundaries. I consider IVF a blessing to the many infertile couples who would be childless without it, but again there must be moral and legal limitations.
About 30 Australian women over 50 have IVF treatment each year with 10 having babies.
When is too old, too old? When pensioners start becoming parents.
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/opinion-old/pension-parents-too-old/story-fn56b2fi-1225948817316
