Grandparents
Couple lose court battle to contact grandchildren
GRANDPARENTS who resorted to litigation to see their beloved grandchildren after their son and his wife cut off all relations have lost a court fight to regain contact.
In what a federal magistrate said was an ”unusual” and ”tragic” case, the grandparents sought court orders to re-establish contact with the two boys, aged 10 and six.
Failing agreement with the parents about seeing the children, the grandparents wanted court orders that included the grandchildren being able to contact them, as well as times set for meeting at Christmas and birthdays.
The relationship between the adults began to slide when the grandmother made a catty comment at the hairdresser’s about her daughter-in-law.
The comment got back, sparking tensions that drew in other members of the extended family.
Canada: Dads fight to see their kids
While it’s a day all about dad, some fathers aren’t looking forward to Father’s Day, as they won’t be able to spend it with their children. Dads like Brad Corbett, of London, Ontario, have little or no contact with their children due to strained custody situations.
During the separation process, Corbett’s ex-wife had him charged with assault in order to stop his access to their children, then nine and 12. He believes that she had been coached by a lawyer to do so as a tool to ensure she’d receive full custody. “It was well orchestrated systematically,” he explains. “She had been to a lawyer and had me charged with assault. It didn’t matter if it was a false allegation.”
Though the university professor had no pattern of such behaviour or record before or since, Corbett has faced financial problems, feared for his job and had his relationship with his children damaged in the case of the younger, and decimated in case of the older.
Molly Murphy says that this is a situation that happens all too often. She’s written a book illuminating three fathers’ struggles to gain access and regain their dignity in Winner Take All (Dog Ear Publishing, available nationally). Murphy was prompted to write the book when she heard so many woeful tales of men seeking access to their children and having their reputations and finances ruined. A divorcee herself, she’s experienced the problems with Canada’s family law system personally. “I’ve witnessed it and it’s the worst crime I’d seen in my life,” says Murphy.
“Families are set up to fight each other (in divorce). They pay lawyers all kinds of money – from $250 to $500 per hour – and a lot of them lose their income to lawyers, and then (in the case of fathers) have no more money left to fight for custody,” she explains.
Deciding she couldn’t participate in such a travesty when encouraged to go for the family assets, full custody and full support by her own lawyer, Murphy decided to share custody with her ex-husband and that they’d sit down to discuss the children’s financial needs on an ongoing basis. “Not everyone can do that but its best for the children if you can. It truly puts them first.”
Murphy affirms that false claims of assault are sometimes used as weapons in the divorce wars. “False claims of abuse happen; it’s sad but they do happen.”
Corbett has been active in Canadian Equal Parenting Council. CEPC is a national group, according to president Glenn Cheriton, that is trying to bring balance to the system. “We are working to make it (the system) more rational and responsible,” explains Cheriton.
Murphy agrees, “The pendulum has swung from women having no rights to women having all the rights. We have to balance that out.”
Women get full custody in most cases, but Murphy feels that joint custody is the way to go, when possible. “Shared parenting should be assumed. When a child has both a mother and a father, why would one get them, unless the family decides it should be that way because of work schedules or something? And when there are allegations of abuse, make sure they are valid.”
To help parting couples work together for the best interest of the children, and the family as a whole, Murphy feels the solution is to make the system less adversarial. “Get rid of the lawyers and get mediators in there.”
Children are the ones who would win in the long run, and making sure kids are happy and well-cared for is what Father’s Day is all about.
http://www.torontosun.com/2011/06/09/dads-fight-to-see-their-kids
Court orders kids not to see paternal grandparents, “because they are smokers”
An Australian MAGISTRATE has ordered a dad to keep his children away from smokers – including a grandmother – as part of a custody agreement.
The court order applies to the paternal grandmother of the children, aged five and four, who is a smoker.
The man’s de facto wife told the Federal Magistrates’ Court she did not want her children spending time at their paternal grandparents’ home, where she feared they would be exposed to passive smoking.
The mother also feared for her children if they were present when their father and grandparents drank alcohol, the court was told.
The ruling came despite the grandmother agreeing not to smoke around the children.
Fathers rights groups have pointed to this bizarre case as another example of the Australian Family Courts bending over backwards to appease mothers and womens’ groups, at the expense of the welfare of children.
Malicious Mothers now targeting Grandparents against Shared Parenting
THE Family Court is “creating a new stolen generation” by placing children with their estranged grandparents.
An angry Adelaide mother claims federal laws eroded the rights of parents and favoured grandparents, who had the time and money to fight long, expensive legal battles.
She said the system left children as young as four at the mercy of neglectful older relatives, risking their psychological wellbeing.
“The family law system is driven by money and if you cannot afford it, then you have no hope of justice,” she said. “Why should any mother be forced to give their child to a person they do not trust to keep them safe?”
In 2000, the Howard government changed the Family Law Act (1975) to emphasise “shared parenting” of children. Amendments gave grandparents the right to seek overnight, partial or total custody of a child.
Parents are required to leave children at “contact centres”, monitored by social workers, so a relationship can develop with the grandparents.
Those who refuse risk jail and appealing against a Family Court decision costs in excess of $6000.
This month, a grandfather was given access to his dead son’s daughter – a child he had not seen since the day she was born. His application was granted despite the objections of the girl’s mother.
That decision has prompted another mother – who cannot be identified – to speak out. “The court is creating a new stolen generation due to the forcible removal of children from their parents,” she said.
“Why are children as young as four being forced away from their parents in confusion?”
She has written to federal Attorney-General Robert McClelland, asking that he change the law so grandparents cannot seek custody until children turn 12.
“The law as it stands gives a grandparent power and control over a parent’s life,” she said. “At a time a person should be raising their child, they are consumed with fighting to prevent parenting orders being given to a stranger.”
SA Law Society president Ralph Bonig said imposing age restrictions would harm, not help, children.
A spokesman for Mr McClelland said the Federal Government was “confident” the system “adequately” catered for the individual circumstances of each case.
- Sean Fewster
- From:The Advertiser
- January 28, 2011
