Mother-Son Incest: Hidden in Shame and Rising
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Sons Don’t Report It, ‘Cunning’ Mothers Rarely Reveal It and Society Finds Topic Too ‘Ugly’.
Gregg Milligan sexually abused by his own mother.
The molestation began as gentle fondling when Gregg Milligan was 4 years old, but it soon escalated to aggressive touching and eventually beatings that would render him unconscious.
For seven years, until Michigan child welfare workers intervened when he was 11, Milligan was too ashamed to reveal that his tormentor was his own mother.
“She was very brutal,” said Milligan. “Through her difficulty reaching climax, she would become frustrated and violent, hitting and punching and slapping not only my genitals, but my face and body.”
“It was terribly confusing, and it wasn’t just the violation,” said Milligan, now 46, and director of infrastructure for a major health care provider in Michigan.
As bad as the incest was, things got worse. Milligan’s father had left when he was 2, but by the time he was 8, his mother, an alcoholic and a prostitute, invited strange men home who would sexually abuse him.
“Back then I would never tell anyone, not even a sibling,” said Milligan, the most “compliant and sensitive” of three children living at home. “I was just too afraid. It was so horrendous for me to believe she actually would do this to me.”
One of the unspeakable secrets in the world of child sexual abuse is that mothers can be molesters. Often, they prey on daughters, but more frequently their sons — who report increased feelings of isolation and sexual confusion along with thoughts of suicide.
Both of Milligan’s parents are now dead, but his past still haunts him.
“Around 10 years old, I started to get this unbelievable feeling of dread that if I don’t get out I am going to die from the decadence, the debauchery, the forced molestations and the beatings that became more severe,” he said. “For three months I suffered from hysterical paralysis.”
An estimated one in four girls and one in seven boys will be sexually assaulted or abused before the age of 18, according to the Alabama-based National Children’s Advocacy Center . In 27 percent of these cases, the abuse is perpetrated by the child’s parents.
Previous studies of day care workers published in 2000 in the Journal of Sex Research, found that women — without male accomplices — accounted for only about 6 percent of the abuse of females and 14 percent of males.
But more recent national surveys indicate about 12 percent of all child sexual abuse cases are committed by women — “a 100 percent increase compared with previous data,” according to Chris Newlin, NCAC’s executive director.
“We view females as care givers and protectors of children,” he told ABCNews.com. “Now we are beginning to understand females are sexually abusing children, and it is occurring much more.”
Professionals are stymied by public perception that incest is “an ugly subject,” and that women can’t commit such crimes.
“If it’s a 35-year-old female and a 14-year-old boy, we’d say the boy is getting lucky,” said Newlin. “And if it was a 35 year-old male and a 14-year-old girl, we’d call that a pervert.”
“We have this overarching thing that goes back to the Salem witch trials of children making up stories,” said Newlin. “You can’t trust kids.”
Survivors like Milligan say that these crimes often go unnoticed, not just because society can’t imagine women as aggressors, but because boys feel riddled with shame.
“There is this terrible stigma that boys crave sex,” said Milligan. “We are just as impressionable and naive and just as afraid. How can anything be consensual at 4 or 11 years old?”
He was finally able to tell all in the self-published memoir he took a decade to write — initially titled “God Must Be Sleeping,” he changed the title to reflect a more upbeat chronicle of his survival, “A Beautiful World.”
But Milligan has much to be positive about. Though his childhood was ravaged, he has managed to raise a son, now 23, who “has never known violence or abuse.”
Today, Milligan is a spokesman for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, sharing his experiences as a survivor.
About 10 percent of all crisis calls to the RAINN hotline are from males, according to program director Jennifer Wilson, who said they get about 100,000 calls a year.
“This crime is hard to track because people just don’t share it with law enforcement,” she told ABCNews.com.
In September, when child star MacKenzie Phillips went on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” to disclose her father had raped her at the age of 19, calls to RAINN’s hotline from incest victims “spiked.”
Mothers who sexually abuse tend to have higher rates of mental illness and are often the victims of abuse themselves. They also have easier access to children.
“It’s easy for women to go unnoticed,” said Wilson. “And at the legal stage, they get lighter sentences.”
Because incest is considered taboo, few boys come forward and social service providers are not often trained in detecting signs in women abusers.
One victim, Dominic Carter, a TV news reporter in New York, wrote about his own abuse at the hands of his mother in his 2007 memoir, “No Momma’s Boy.” Earlier this month, Carter was convicted of attempted assault after a 2008 fight with his wife, and could face up to three months in jail.
As a child, Milligan turned his anguish inward.
“My brother and sister could leave the house and naturally play with friends,” he said. “I was petrified to leave mother. The clear sense was that if I did, the punishment would be worse.”
His mother also threatened to kill herself and Milligan said he more than once was hit by cars while chasing his mother into the street.
His father was equally volatile, returning once to beat his mother “so bad he left her with an eye hanging out of the socket.”
Teachers were also unaware of the abuse. “In their defense, I was kept out of school,” he said about his frequent injuries. “My mother was very cunning.”
The family was on welfare, but when social service workers paid their visits, the children were “always pushed out of the house and not allowed to come home,” Milligan said.
Dr. Carole Jenny, a pediatrician and director of the Child Protection Program at Hasbrow Children’s Hospital in Providence, R.I., said sexual abuse by mothers is “really hard to diagnose — most of the time it’s not witnessed.”
“Most kids have normal exams, and most parents give a credible history,” she said. “Most prepubescent boys and girls don’t have any lasting physical findings. Abrasions and redness disappear within 24 hours of the event.”
For young children, like Milligan, who eventually called an older married sister to intervene, getting help is difficult.
“I was sneaking money and stealing coins and running down to the pay phone and begging, ‘Please come and save us,’” he said. “She eventually did but was reluctant because she was afraid.”
After a court battle — his mother unsuccessfully sought custody — Milligan lived for a time with his sister, immersing himself in books and trying to catch up.
He had missed so much school that he could only read at a third-grade level.
“I could tell time and tie my shoes, but I struggled through my first book, Dr. Seuss’ ‘Green Eggs and Ham,’” he said. “I read the whole summer and pored though every book I checked out of the library. By seventh grade I barely passed, but I never quit. I kept trying and trying.”
Panic Attacks and Intimacy Issues
But the abuse took its toll. Until he was 16, Milligan had panic attacks and wet his bed, seeing countless child psychologists and therapists.
But by the time he was asked to leave his sister’s at 16, he was an A student and involved in athletics.
Though he drifted out of foster homes and shelter with friends and priests, Milligan eventually went on to college and later graduate school.
“To this day the one question people ask is why I survived,” he said. “I don’t know, maybe there was something bigger and better than all of us and I tapped in to it. But I remind people it doesn’t come without its problems.”
As an adult, Milligan now needs medication to sleep and still has chronic nightmares, as well as anxiety attacks. “I find myself carrying around a paper bag, but I’ve managed to avoid the pitfalls of any addictions,” he said.
Some men who are abused by their mothers become hypersexual or addicted to pornography, others avoid contact altogether.
Milligan, too, struggles with intimacy in relationships. His first marriage ended in divorce, but he has since remarried. “She is a wonderful woman and working with me in therapy.”
Milligan’s “happy ending” was watching his son from the first marriage — “the sweetest, most gentle young man” — recently graduate summa cum laude from college.
“If there is any indication of success, it’s not me or the fact that I graduated from college or writing a professional position,” he said. “It’s my son — he has never known violence, only love.”
But his own attitude has also fueled Milligan’s recovery. “I wanted to focus on the possibility of change and perseverance,” he said. “I honestly don’t know why I chose to read instead of doing drugs.”
With good treatment, many male victims like Milligan do survive, according to Nancy Cotterman, director of the Broward County Sexual Abuse Treatment Center in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
“I don’t think they ever forget, but there are many who become empowered adolescents and adults.”
What’s lacking, say experts, is public awareness of mother-son abuse.
“We have the laws we need, the professionals in every profession and a tremendous network of highly trained and capable individuals in the U.S. to respond to sexual abuse,” said NCAC’s Newlin. “The greatest challenge is that it is such an ugly subject that most people have a hard time wanting to pay attention to it”
By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/mother-son-incest-rise-report-sex-abuse-agencies/story?id=9209454
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My heart goes out to these children who are suffering through the hands of their own mothers. Why aren’t these sick women stopped earlier? Are the social workers, court psychologists and judges so blinded by motherhood that they can’t see the signs? As others who posted comments have said child abuse takes many forms. Part of psychological and emotional abuse is child abduction. When it is by mothers, it is not taken as seriously as when fathers are involved. Mothers can more easily manipulate the system. There are many cases in the press today of mentally unstable mothers who have abducted and abused their children.Â
Elke Mellersh, who articles say was diagnosed with “paranoid delusions”, abducted her two children and killed them after she lost custody to the father.Â
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2064002/Tug-love-children-gassed-mother-Turkish-hotel-room.html
Marianne Grin, also found mentally unfit with “paranoid delusions” and also abducted her children after she also lost custody to the father. Italian reports say she was being investigated for serious child abuse and was also found to have an unnatural relationship with the eldest son but no protected visits were ordered. (English article)Â http://www.theflorentine.net/articles/article-view.asp?issuetocId=7229
In both cases, however, these mothers found protection for themselves and immunity from their crimes from their countries of their relocation, Turkey and Russia, instead of serious investigation into the health and well-being of the child victims. This is state-sponsored abuse and murder of innocent children.
The social welfare and justice systems globally need to be better educated to be able to identify situations where the mother is unfit and a risk to the physical and psychological welfare of the children.
[Reply]
Zac, I don’t know where your coming from?
Hope you have a coffee or something handy if you want to know the truth, probably not but I have written it here for you to read if you want and what I have always said is the truth as much of the truth required or the law allows to be said.
If you were a Dad who had no contact with your children and Commonwealth (Cth) and State Court Orders preventing you having any form of contact, then you would realise your claim “your energy be better spent showing your kids that YOUR spare time is theirs†is a joke and offensive.
Considering the principal rule of our Court and Law is “Justice must be Done and Seen to be Done†has always been caused to stand in the shadows in my matters or applications as you will see if you read on.
This started with John Williams (VIC) demanding I withdraw Contravention applications citing the mother, filed and listed for a Return, or I would have no 2002 Christmas or birthday (about to happen before and after Christmas) contact with our children.
He even admitted in Court my refusal to comply with his, perversion of justice by, demand I withdraw the Contravention Applications filed and listed for a Return in the Court was causing the mother not to consent to Consent Orders sought to be made. (Yes I have it on transcript).
As usual, with such criminally intent persons you give them 1inch and they will demand the rest of the mile.
He them demanded I withdraw the Contempt of Court applications filed and listed for a Return citing the mother for multiple breaches of Court Orders with police evidence available, and her solicitor Fiona McGregor for Wrongful Representation of Family Court Orders applicable to Police, in contempt of her duty to the Court and the Law of Contravening Court Orders at that time. (Again I have got most of this evidence into transcript before the Dishonourable Mushin J refused Police to answer some of my questions claiming their knowledge of the Courts Orders and how they affected the State Court Orders and my contact with the children at the time of their attendance was not required.
He lastly threatened to abuse my mother if she gave any evidence that was detrimental to the party Mushin J claimed was a wonderful mother (1 of the many demonstrations of bias).
Mushin J finally disqualified himself from hearing any application I was a party to Dec 2005 after the CJ asked him to and she asked me to make that application to him, in Contempt of the Law that grants a judge a right to make any Order on their own initiation.
September 2005 he and I had a face to face where I informed him he had committed criminal offences at our Final Hearing for him to instruct me: If judges are not immune from prosecutions for their crimes at the beach then they will resign tomorrow.
Is this an admission of knowledge they often commit perversions of justice in some way or some like offense of is this an admission of knowledge Family Court judges often commit perversions of justice in some way?
For “Justice must be Done and Seen to be Done†to occur, there must be a proper hearing where all the evidence is allowed to be presented for a proper finding to be made by an other than bias determiner.
If not an Appeal will be granted for a rehearing, will it not?
To be labelled as a Vexatious Litigant the Law requires there to be a hearing where it is determined that there have been 2 or more applications that had “No Just Cause†for their filling hence the applications are determined to be Frivolous and or Vexatious.
Due to I have never had a proper hearing or determination of any application citing another party (John Williams caused me duress to withdraw) as a respondent I cannot have a proper or Lawful Label of Vexatious Litigant placed on me.
Such a label in my case is judicial abuse of power to cause a detriment to a party of a matter in breach of s.142.2 of the Criminal Code Act 1995 (Cth) (s.142.2) “Abuse of public office†to enable a wrongful denial of “Leave†to file a proper application citing a responding party. Which are additional crimes committed by Bryant CJ as you will later read if you read on.
Bryant CJ stated in Court Dec 2005 I had not had any determination of any application I had filed in the Court but stop short of admitting that label should be removed and removing that label (hence breach of s.142.2) in the interest of the Law and the proper administration of justice.
That is 1 of the first offences of dereliction of duty and/or Contempt of her Oath or Affirmation of Office, remember her Oath is s26 of the Family Law Act (of the Act) that caused her to swear or affirm she would “do right by law to all†which the above stated misbehaviour is provable beyond doubt the Dishonourable CJ has committed Misbehaviour within the meaning of s.72(ii) of the Constitution (s.72(ii)) and/or 22 of the Family Law Act, hence my state she will resign and leave the country if a Royal Commission of Inquiry is ever allowed to be established.
Remember the CJ in contempt of clause 5 of the Constitution and s.15B of the Crimes Act 1914(Cth) “Time for commencement of prosecutions†claimed from the bench the FamCA is not subject to the Law of the Crimes Act. If this is so then there is no limitations for the prosecution of any application for Contempt of Court and s.43 of the Crimes Act 1914(Cth) “Attempting to pervert justice†are, at minimum, 4 additional crimes provable beyond doubt committed by the Dishonourable CJ.
s.43 of the Crimes Act 1914(Cth) states: (1) Any person who attempts, in any way not specially defined in this Act, to obstruct, prevent, pervert, or defeat, the course of justice in relation to the judicial power of the Commonwealth, shall be guilty of an offence.
Penalty: Imprisonment for 5 years.
Contempt of Court is a course of justice created by a Law of the Cth being s.36 of the Act therefore it is not a Common Judges Law that a judge can interfere with or obstruct, only determine if there is prima-facie evidence in support a hearing of the proper evidence must be Returned.
Therefore, is it unlawful to hinder in any way any Contempt Application when sought with prima-facie in support? YES.
The evidence in support that the CJ hand in her Dishonourable Hands was transcript evidence in support of the applications hence it was more than just prima-facie evidence, again I say the Dishonourable CJ’s criminal offences are provable s.72(ii) Misbehaviour; provable beyond doubt that the Dishonourable AG has had in his hands or officers hands and only an Independent Royal Commission of Inquiry will cause s.72(ii) Proved Misbehaviour to be proven.
An Independent Royal Commission of Inquiry is urgently required into the perversions of justice perpetrated by the Mushin J, Bryant CJ, Hayden, Haynes, Kiefel and Crennan JJ of the High Court, and the AG, Mr dishonourable McClelland.
Nov 2010, Hayden J has demanded a Father seek “Leave†to file an application for a Writ of Certiorari claiming: to seek such a s.75(v) of the Constitution Writ is a Frivolous or Vexatious application pursuant to Rule 6.07 of the High Court Rules.
The only way this application could be Vexatious is if it cited the mother and not Flohm J to correct Orders made after Flohm J committed misbehaviours at the bench of preventing police from giving evidence of a mother’s false statements and attempting to make use of fabricated photographic evidence.
As you know, a s.75(v) of the Constitution Writ (s.75(v)) cities the judge and is for the quashing of the unsafe Orders made by that judge, it does not cite the other party therefore cannot be to cause repetitive without “Just Cause†hearings to a party of prior proceedings.
The “Just Cause†is not only Flohm J obstructed justice by preventing police giving evidence but this judge stated in her “Reasons for Judgement†words akin to if not the same: I will only accept evidence that is in contradiction to the Father’s. Is that not evidence of intent to pervert justice by obstructing or preventing evidence that supports the Father was telling the truth and the mother was not.
There is more like a fabricated e-mail, evidence a mother stole a father’s computer and the mother’s false allegations of Family Violence, State Court proven as false allegations.
Hence the matter sought, cannot be Frivolous because of the “Just Cause†stated above.
So has Hayden J committed a breach of s.43 of the Crimes Act 1914 (Cth) and or s.142.2 by abuse of power to cause a detriment of an obstruction or hindrance to justice and the quashing of unsafe Orders made by Flohm J? YES.
I SAY YES FOR THE 2ND TIME I PERSONALLY KNOW OF by obstructing a course of justice created by a law of the Commonwealth being s.75(v) and s.33 of the Judiciary Act 1903, with proper transcript evidence in his hands, sought to be filed with the application.
So did the judge know the evidence supported the Writ should be filed and a hearing had that would determine Flohm J had committed criminal misbehaviour that Parliament could use to pray to the Governor-General for her title of Judge be Dishonourably Removed if they choose and the unsafe Orders made in the mother’s favour BE QUASHED? YES.
Kiefel J, without giving me an opportunity to file an Affidavit of service of the Constitutional Notice I was required to file on each Attorney-General of the Cth, States and Territories. Therefore, without knowledge of if there aforesaid AG’s had been given Notice of a Constitutional issue within the application Wrongfully in breach of s.78B(1) and (5) of the Judiciary Act 1903(Cth) wrongly procedded to dismiss my application that had s.78B Notices and an affidavit of service outstanding, and less than 48 hours notice of a return in a State other than the State the matter had been filed in, hence no Oral Argument that had been stated in the Court documents filed was required for a proper understanding of the matter.
Kiefel J then WRONGLY claimed I had Appealed the wrongful Orders of Mushin J in contempt of her proper knowledge, namely the affidavit in support of the application Dishonourable Kiefel J was to determine, and WRONGLY claim, to seek a s.75(v) Writ was “An Abuse of Process†again because proper transcript evidence was sought to be filed with the application that would determine Mushin J had committed criminal misbehaviour that Parliament could use to pray to the Governor-General for his Dishonourable Removal if they choose and the unsafe Orders made in the mother’s favour BE QUASHED?
Haynes and Crennan JJ, in dereliction of their duty to the Court, claimed, in full knowledge of the Wrongs perpetrated by Kiefel J, that Kiefel J had not been in error by refusing “Leave to file†a s.75(v) application in the High Court. “3. The decision of Kiefel J is not attended by doubt. An appeal would enjoy no prospect of success.â€Â
Link to above said:
http://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/sinodisp/au/cases/cth/HCASL/2009/169.html?stem=0&synonyms=0&query=mackintosh
The only reason for a lack of success for the application was judicial intent to deny justice in conflict of interest by a bias determination of denial to protect a fellow judge from s.72(ii) “proved Misbehaviourâ€Â.
It should be NOTED Haynes was cited
This sets new case law; that to seek a s.75(v) application in the High Court after an Appeal has been heard or dismissed is “An abuse of Process†but this is only in the “Reasons for Judgement†I have and can supply, which is in conflict with Rule 25.06.2 of the High Court Rules, that states:
“Where the judgment, order, conviction or other proceeding is subject to appeal and a time is limited by law for the bringing of the appeal, the Court or a Justice may adjourn the application for the order to show cause until the appeal is determined or the time for appealing has expired.â€Â
NOTE: Nov 2010, Hayden J’s demand a Father (not I this time) seek “Leave†to file an application for a “Constitutional Writ of Certiorari†that was sought almost 5 months after the time to Appeal had expired.
Hence Hayden J has “Abused Public Office†to cause a detriment to a Father of a hindrance to the Father of seeking correction to Flohm J’s other than safe Orders made by a “Constitutional Writ of Certiorariâ€Â. This Father has been under extreme pressure and duress at work and family illness, hence he has not been able to seek the “Courts Leave to File†the s.75(v) application doc’s Hayden J has obstructed hence additional duress of minimal interaction with is son and additional Family Violence in the mother’s home due to the mother’s diagnosed mental illness and other mother’s family issues. YES I have knowledge of this matter as a McKenzie Friend.
But there is no time limit for applications of a Constitutional issue that involves a s.72(ii) of the Constitution issue, although the Contempt the Judges and AG have for the Constitution and Laws of Australia is such they will again attempt to pervert justice to obstruct or deny a finding of “Proved Misbehaviour†pursuant to the purpose of s.72(ii) of the Constitution.
In addition, Rule 25.06.2 of the High Court Rules, states: … such an Order to show cause is made not later than six months after the date of the judgement, order, ….
This of course is in conflict with s.72(ii) and s75(v) of the Constitution that s.72(ii) relies on for s.72(ii) “Proved Misbehaviour†while the AG refuses to comply with the Senate recommendation a “Judicial Misbehaviour and Incapacity Committee of Inquiry†be created consistent or like the NSW State like Committee.
Is this a good understanding of why I am continuing with the vague hope Justice and the Proper Honourable Administration of Justice will be returned to our Courts and the Queens reputation of being a Just Overseer of justice will be restored.
Yes we are in effect a Republic but don’t tell the general Public because they wish to believe the Queen has the last say, although that was removed by s.22 of the Judiciary Act 1903 (Cth) which causes the Full Court to decide if an applicant may seek the Queens determination of a matter limited by this same Cth Law. AS IF?
So shout from the roof tops the CONTEMPT the AG and Commonwealth Judges have for the law so we the people can cause their horse drawn and quartering in the proper way of justice for such criminal injustices!!!!!!!!
[Reply]
Unfortunately, incest and phyiscal abuse are not the only forms of abuse women perpetrate on their children. My three sons suffered from considerable neglect and abuse from their mother. So much so that she completely pushed them away; because they had somewhere to go .. to their dad. What would have happened if they had nowhere to go?
To this day their mother still abuses them. I;ve tried countless times to get her to stop, tried mediatation, and tried the courts. No one is interested in protecting the children from psychological and emotional abuse. Indeed, organisations like Centrelink and Child Support Agency endorse these forms of abuse against children…
And we wonder whyt there are then problems when they get older…
[Reply]
Ian Mack Reply:
January 3rd, 2011 at 3:13 pm
I know what you mean; my son now lives with me after his mother kicked him out of his Court Ordered residence, her home.
I found he had been living on the street and staying at friend’s homes for more than a month before I found him on Facebook.
She had taken his ph and computer (ph numbers) so lost all forms of contact with me.
The Court Orders were because Mushin J threatened me with jail if I did not stop presenting evidence of the mother’s lies and false allegations, this was after he claimed the truth was the mother’s evidence when proven and not the evidence she had given, “then that is her evidence†are the words recorded by the transcript of the hearing. This is but 1 of 4 provable beyond doubt crimes of Mushin J Bryant CJ claimed Mushin J was immune from prosecution for.
[Reply]
This story speaks for itself, however I believe the stats of mother-son incest are much higher than what is claimed here, because the majority of boy victims are too ashamed to ‘accuse’ their mother, and even if they do, society on the whole simply does not take female on boy sexual assault seriously.
[Reply]
Ian Mack Reply:
January 3rd, 2011 at 3:20 pm
You should have seen the ads in NZ for the NZ No Smacking Laws.
If I remember correctly, I was only there about 2 weeks, I saw the adds about 2 or 3 times per night and they were demonstrations of the forms of assault the new Laws were applicable to, about 75% or more were demonstrating women committing assaults on children like;
you remember mums wooden spoon or whatever was handy like the breadboard that flew across the room at you?
[Reply]